Manipulation seems a very obvious, evil gesture that one can catch almost instantly but that is often not the case. Unlike how they present it in shows and movies, it can be so subtle that you may not even realize that you are getting manipulated in the act. It is not just the smile that is manipulative but a number of gestures that would make you feel important initially and then, with time, would choke you with debt and doubts.
One of the most common ways of manipulation. In this time, literally every other break up story explains how the partner gaslighted the victim and they couldn’t even see the red flags. Gaslighting can sometimes go beyond so many limits and boundaries that it can traumatize the victim mentally for life. When we read about childhood traumas and family issues, often there is subtle gaslighting by the parents that continues for years. How they have never done anything wrong with their children. Even if the child’s behavior and mental health show clear signs of torture, parents would claim nothing happened in their household and everything has been so perfect, since forever. This is one form of gaslighting.
Another is blaming the victim for what they had to go through.
“I feel attacked when you bring up the past where I may have done something wrong to you. I am sorry that I cheated but you cannot make me feel guilty about it all the time, it hurts.”
You see what happened here? The victim is blamed for hurting the culprit by pointing out the wrong they have done. This is common. Yet often overlooked. There have been so many incidents where after such statements victims start feeling guilty and end up blaming themselves for their breakup.
It has become a ritual to give gifts of equal or higher value than one received from them. While a lot of people don’t understand the reason behind it, reciprocating is practiced to keep things balanced. If there is an imbalance, the person with higher value may use it as a weapon to manipulate the other person. “I did so much for you and you couldn’t even do this for me?” it can be anything. They might have gifted you your favorite video game and while you might have taken it as a token of love, you now feel that love is choking you. Every time they bring it up as something they did for you, you may wonder if they did it just to taunt you later about it. Well, yeah! Your gut is right here. Even if that was not their intention, they are using it to manipulate you. You received one gift and now you are obliged for the rest of your life.
You’re on the Hook
Getting all the signals, they may be into you but still you’re not a thing. Planning to meet but it gets canceled by them everytime, something important might have come up, but everytime? You tell yourself they won’t do something of this sort intentionally, after all they flirt with you and show you they are interested, but are they really? You are not the only person who thinks the other person is into them only to realize later that they’ve been waiting for something to happen for so long that there may not be any chance. People often keep others on the hook for entertainment and as an option, just in case things go down with the other person they are talking to.
This is how dating is these days. Love is no more in the air. It was written in the books and people switched to videos. The chapters that presented the beauty of feeling emotions are no longer in the curriculum. And everyone is so tired that they are not ready to wake up.
Anyways, coming back to the topic, this too is manipulation. You may not realize this but you are getting manipulated into waiting for the person or expecting something in your favor from them.
I may have tried to explain manipulation to you to safeguard you from future pain and traumas, there are chances you might be the manipulator yourself or you would consider using these techniques in the future. I cannot physically stop you. But, I can only say that it is wrong to manipulate someone. It is always a good idea to move on and let go of things rather than sticking to them or trying to make things work by using tactics. It will only hurt you or affect your mental health.
If you are someone who has already been through this sort of manipulation and cannot get over the overthinking phase, we highly recommend getting it treated through therapy or by trying products that are known to help alleviate stress, anxiety and pain. You can check delta-8 tinctures here.